Welcome to this Moment
Fall and the coming winter have been beckoning me to fully align with their rhythms and my energy has been low. So, the past few weeks I hit pause, unplugged as much as possible, sat with what was heavy and meditated intentionally on releasing control, forgiveness, compassion, joy and love.
I think we can all agree that the past two and half years have been intense in so many ways, stretching our nervous and immune systems beyond their remarkable design.
The isolation and extra load of overwhelming energy of the pandemic during which I grew and birthed two babies twenty-two months apart has been a doozy for me personally. Transitioning from a mom of one for almost five years to having three small humans needing and wanting all my love and attention has certainly tested my abilities and bandwidth mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Living on earth at this time has felt extra challenging and confusing. I know I am most certainly not alone, I hear it from so many. I feel it in the collective consciousness. I see how the demands and ways of living modern life are misaligned with our basic human needs; how we are asking our bodies and spirits to maintain a level of stress, distraction and production that makes our systems scream "this is too much."
I hear the call for mass change crying out louder and louder, the call to rebuild broken systems and revitalize the limitless potential of our infinite souls within this finite human experience. I know we can't keep ignoring the call to act now for the sake of our children's future.
I understand we are trying to delete fear and anger from our collective consciousness. I accept we are each at a pivotal moment of releasing control, finding forgiveness, remembering our wholeness and interconnection to each other and the planet. However, making the transition within ourselves and on the mass level is a mighty endeavor and we need to be extra mindful and intentional about our use of time and attention in order to ascend.
I'm not one for the news but if you are, you're tapping into– fear and anxiety, the anger and divide, the war, and the separation and scarcity mentalities. The signals of destruction and despair want your attention, to provoke your energy and scramble your brain so you stay in a state of fear. The corruption in politics and public health institutions doesn't want any of us to rise up and revolt against their profit focused agendas and inhumane paradigms of control. I don't have to actually see any of this propaganda or literally hear it, I feel it and know it is inorganic, I do not resonate with that low frequency energy and when I find myself empathetically tapped into it, I'm zapped– foggy, fearful and exhausted.
When I feel it within me, when I hear it – I have taken to asking "what message would you like us to receive?"
"The present moment is the only thing that really exists"
"Depression lives in the past. Anxiety lives in the future. Joy is the gift of the present moment."
"Tap into The Power of Now"
Maybe you have heard these quotes before?
Maybe you have heard the call to slow down too?
Maybe you've heard the whispered invitations to strip back the layers, release the excess and find joy in Choosing Simplicity?
Maybe each day you wake up and try your best to be present, or maybe life just feels so fast, overwhelming and distracting that you can't remember the last time you felt truly present?
Prior to my intentional decision to slow down, I had been playing hide and seek with the present moment most days. Some days I seeked it and found it quite easily but there were more days than I'd like to admit that presence seemed to have found the best hiding spot ever. More blurry days than ones of clarity and alignment.
So knowing what I know, and that we always have a choice, I chose to STOP, RESET, and RESTORE.
Presence and being intentional with my time is of high importance and value to me and yet I was missing a lot of moments because I had been allowing myself to be distracted by my vices, by my addiction to devices. I was lost in the trappings of my mind's illusions and confusions. I got caught in the tides of my emotions and was missing the magic each moment holds.
Then I remembered. I grounded. I centered. I put a hand on my heart, closed my eyes, took a breath and I was found again. Whole and complete, flooded with love and the beauty that is always in me and around me. I welcomed the realization once again that I am not lost, I do not need to be found, I am not broken and wounded.
I started receiving the gift of arriving in each moment, whether it was a moment of pleasure or pain, I tapped all the way in.
Then, I thought.
This is the practice of powerful presence that we each possess and need at this exact moment in which massive healing and change is occuring.
Then.
I continued to exhale attachments to my pain and I said to myself "you're not missing the magic, you are the magick. You are not separate from the moment you are the moment."
Then boom, over stimulation– loud noises, constant chatter, high demand– shadows creeping in. Fight and flight. Rage, but underneath it grief and disbelief. I tapped into the collective, the energies lower than the divine, stepped away from my soul's light, feeling lost and scared again in the dark dark night.
I start frantically chasing the light, like a game of tag with a heavy weight attached to my ankle, convinced again that I can't move at the speed of light. Then my external world (as it does) started mirroring and reinforcing the lies of my traumas, offering "proof" of my mind's madness making.
Inhale, I surrender. I release control. I drop again into heart space, visualizing the awakening of the glittering light. Opening up to the unconditional love and peace, the true organic guidance and connection to the great mother and God.
Exhale attachments to my pains. A warmth floods my entire body, tears of joy and gratitude pour down like cleansing rain. Welcoming truth once again. I do not need to chase or move at the speed of light, I am light.
Then.
I recommitted to– resting, to doing less, to slowing down, to checking out-to check in, to sleeping more– I made a vow once again– to nourish my body, mind and spirit. One moment at a time.
Then.
My whole family gets sick, again. I'm hi-jacked, Mothering Through Sickness, again. Survival mode finds me, I start running on fumes, and fear starts knocking on the door deep within my mind. A spiral into the dangerous vortex of the worst case scenarios.
The real present moment is clouded by the overwhelm of my nervous system. I'm looping into the old patterns, beliefs of brokeness, triggered by childhood traumas that are not of this moment. I'm disoriented by problems of the past, and anxious about what the future holds.
Sleep, I need sleep. But I find it hard to let go, I am wound up, my mind is running a race at a pace that is exhausting but it won't stop running, on a quest for an invisible finish line. Awareness finds me, I'm on the sidelines, I see myself "running" and know I need to slow down.
So I breathe in "I am not my thoughts" I breathe out "I am not my body." I ask for forgiveness and pray for protection, express gratitude, soften my jaw, breathe into my heart. I surrender. I sleep. Then I sleep some more.
I wake up with new eyes to see all the joy in front of me. All the fires I was seeing have been put out. All the flames of fear, extinguished. I am back in alignment with truth, with beauty, with love, aligned with the generous present moment.
This past week, despite challenges, I have settled into each moment with ease. I have set boundaries with myself, with my kids, with others (without them evening knowing) around my time and attention.
The most critical component of living in the moment is firmly deciding that is where you would truly like to be, and then consistently choosing to rest there and allow peace.
I made the choice to focus on doing (or being) aware and attentive to only one thing at a time. I'm consciously going against our multi-tasking, urgency, productivity culture; I see all of that as a huge part of our struggle to truly love and live. We have become humans trying to be robots, and even though our brains are ten times more powerful than any computer they still weren't wired for all this modern day mayhem.
On a collective level I think we must have a reckoning with these facts.
We do not have attention deficit disorder, we have a slow-the-fuck-down and truly focus deficit disorder. We have a lack of healthy coping strategies disorders and a taking personal ownership of self-care dysfunction. We have an overstimulated and overwhelmed, over-medicated, overworked and under rested, nutritionally depleted and nature deprived society. We perpetuate and promote stress like it's a badge of honor, but the burning of the candle from both ends and constantly qbending over backwards is yielding unprecedented yet highly preventable levels of burnout.
It's time to stop and smell the roses, and start flourishing by making choices that align with our highest good, moment by moment. Before it's too late.
Being fully present in our own lives is truly living.
My kids remind me of this daily. They are captivated by the moment, engrossed in it, living in a state of curiosity and wonderment. They are my greatest motivation to step back, to be available and to live a life that is more ALIGNED and ALIVE. Even in their moments of experiencing big emotion my children are guiding me to be with what is and watch how quickly it passes when we allow ourselves to feel.
When children have breakdowns they bounce back with resilience when we get out of the way and stop "fixing" their emotional experience. Children quickly rebound into exquisite states of joy and play, and they are inviting us to remember we can do the same.
Motherhood is in my opinion the greatest invitation to uncover who we truly are but it means letting go of the bullshit cultural brainwashing around performance and production, and releasing any toxic thinking that there is a right or wrong way to mother. It's time to invite slowness and stillness into the seasons and cycles of our motherhood journeys. Which may mean unbinding yourself from the shackles of overdoing and under-resting. It is time to stop evaluating your worth based on how much of your family load (most of which is invisible) you can bear alone. Martyrdom and self sacrificing is a one way ticket to survival mode. Unreasonable amounts of busyness is a syndrome, stress is a symptom and rest is your prescription.
Plus, if we want to break free from broken programs and systems and pass new "codes" on to our children, we must model new behaviors and ways of being.
Our kids are also always watching, downloading "data" to their hard drives. Writing the programs their future selves will follow. Firing their mirror neurons as they watch us intently, picking up their cues from our facial expressions, body language ,the tone of our voices; even their perception of our thoughts. They need us to be present, to interface with their operating systems with a program of unconditional love, safety, interest and acceptance of their wholeness and uniqueness. This does NOT mean available 24/7, or giving undivided attention to their every beck and call. It does not mean always having your shit together. It means grace and acceptance for the fact that some needs will go unmet in order to meet our own, and this is a healthy program for them to download.
Being present with our kids means being intentionally connected. This can look and feel a number of ways. I have been practicing this by making the space to fully listen and be together, completely undisturbed and undistracted, kids know the difference between authentic presence and checked-out or emotionally unavailable.
Psst– put down your phone, there's no need to capture every money with a photo, and maybe it's time to take a social media break– said with love and a kissy wink.
"Programming" authentic presence and togetherness into your day to day life is crucial for your connections, this goes for both your kids and taking time to be deeply connected with yourself! Allowing your kids to watch you set healthy boundaries and make more space for your own care and rest will help wire them to do the same.
Now that my system has calmed, I realize, I have been shuffling along for some time, living in a state of stickiness. While I do believe healing my traumas by opening up my wounds to release the stuck energy from my body was important, I think it's time to stop picking at the scabs, so those wounds can fully heal.
Healing does not mean sitting with your pain indefinitely, that my friend is suffering.
So seeing as how I have shared a lot and it's time for me to rest now, I will leave you with an invitation.
I invite you to join me in facing each moment fully with an openness to the limitless potential that only exists in the present. I invite you to welcome the hard and the happy moments of your life with equal interest and enthusiasm; being sure to fully feel to move your pain through, and then shift your focus to appreciation, compassion, and gratitude. I invite you to take time daily to drop into your heart and both visualize and radiate the beauty that you are and the light you possess. I welcome you to embrace the unconditional love that awaits you when you live your life one moment at a time.
Last but not least, I invite you to remember you are not separate from nature, you are in fact a massively impressive creator of life. You are aligned with the phases of the moon, the tides, and the seasons; you are nature and nature does not need to rush.
When you make time for reflection, ask yourself:
What would/does it feel like to slow down?
How can I allow myself to rest more?
What is my resistance to resting?
In what ways do I convince myself my worth is connected to my productivity?
What am I avoiding by keeping myself busy?
What moments in this holiday season do I want to make sure I am fully present for?
What makes me feel joyfully alive?
What is presence?
Welcome to this moment Mama. I see you, I hear you, I feel you, I love you.
Mamaste Well,
Rose
Ps. Local Mama's be sure to check out the fabulous mindful events offered by @momentformama
I will be offering this event as an opportunity to restore your light during this holiday season, hope to see you there!
I found this podcast to be relevant to this topic, enjoy!
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