Mothering Through Sickness (and eclipse season)

Having a sick child is heartbreaking, it can being anxiety inducing, and it is straight up fucking exhausting. 

Having more than one sick child at the same time for weeks on end– well, then you might find yourself praying hard to all the goddesses and swearing extra in the middle of each sleepless night. Actually, I think my sister, a mother of five, put it best. She said "When my kids are all sick I channel times of war, like I'm a triage nurse in one of the world wars!" 

Yup sister, when the littles are unwell, love is truly a battlefield. Especially when your patients, despite their suffering, still have the ability to resist all your best efforts to treat them. I mean does anyone else find booger sucking to be a skill that requires masterful negotiating and ninja like reflexes? 

Having sick children feels like the ultimate "call to duty" of the mother. The time for the divine feminine qualities of nurturing, gentleness, ease and empathy to shine AND there's a breaking point. It is such a big ask of our own energy bodies. There's a level of depletion (beyond the daily wear and tear) that hits us as mothers that might make you say "I need my mommy." Not to mention if you yourself catch their cudies and then must navigate your body aches and theirs simultaneously. 

I'm feeling the complexity of mothering through sickness (and eclipse season) at this very moment, and I know I am not alone. 

The month of October was fraught with illness. In my home there were more days filled with icky misery than not, during which I found myself questioning many things and battling emotional turmoil. 

If you know me, you know I trust the body. You know I have utmost faith in our human design. I believe in the body's ability to heal and I have a pretty thorough respect and understanding of the innate  immune system. I revere gut health and nutrition as true medicine and I try my hardest to support my family's health with these beliefs and tools. I understand sickness is an upgrade to the immune system and part of it's development BUT the unrelenting onslaught of sickies has been heart wrenching, frustrating and triggering. 

All three of my children struggling to breathe triggered an anxiety I haven't felt since Leif was VERY ill when he was two. A sickness that sent us to the emergency room multiple times and rendered him unable to walk for almost a week. Which as you can imagine (or maybe have experienced,) having a child so severely ill is terrifying. Actually, It was the most scared I have ever felt as a mother. It triggered a mother's greatest fear– the fear that we might lose our children– and it made me feel so wildly out of control that my skin crawled in agony. I didn't sleep for weeks, and lord knows sleep deprived isn't my best look. 

Flashforward to current times, November has arrived and just when I thought we were all well, another round hit us– right in the pink eye. The next wave of the night-time sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever, so- no one- can-rest came right when I had big plans outside of my motherly duties. Right when my soul's other great purpose was to be fulfilled and for a brief period I spiraled downward into some deep deep wounds and stories( i.e lies). The high stress of the circumstances mounted to further dysregulation of my nervous system and had me questioning–

"How do I even exist outside of my role as a mother?" 

"Is mothering my only viable identity, right now?" 

Luckily, I have been here before, luckily I am able to catch myself in these lies. Luckily I have the support I need to navigate my way back to an upward trajectory. Luckily I am aware enough and have the knowledge that I am growing and these events are lessons that are all a part of the next leap in my healing. Luckily I recognize the cycles and seasons of death and rebirth within my life. Luckily the universe always provides what we need for our growth and for our highest self to rise out of the ashes. 

So while sickness has been wreaking havoc on my life (and my poor babies) from an emotional/spiritual development perspective– I am now able to appreciate its lessons. 

Though I do not wish sickness upon my family or yours, when it comes, and it surely will; there is an opportunity to examine what it triggers for you emotionally/spiritually and to explore how that shows up in your body and behaviors. There is always an opportunity to transmute one emotional response into another. 

In my experience and maybe in yours? 

The helplessness of my children when they don't feel well can be such a trigger for my own feelings of helplessness and for the traumas I carry around past sickness in my own body. It can also trigger the subconscious programs and epigenetic codes passed to us from our parents and ancestors.

There is also so much collective fear and anxiety around illness and these energies were highly toxic and potent these past two years. If you are an empath and highly sensitive to outside energies, it's important to recognize sometimes it's not even your own emotional state and stress you are feeling. 

I know full well that fear and anxiety are both unsafe and ineffective "treatments" for any dis-ease. The vibration of these emotions literally weakens the immune system and our ability to tend to our babies and ourselves because it puts you in survival mode– unable to tap into faith, trust, or creation. 

AND

It is sooooooooo hard not to feel anxious about your babies when they're sick, so it is also the time to practice as much self compassion as you can muster and to call on outside support for your own well-being. 

So as I sit in the chaos, a bit worn from the challenges of mothering through ongoing sickness, as I wait for all the seemingly endless boogers and coughs to dissipate– I'm waiting with wonder, with my curious gaze inward, with loads of self compassion, one breath at a time, with one hand on my heart. 

As I center myself and recalibrate my frequency– I'm patting myself on the back and giving myself a real slow clap for how far I have come on this motherhood journey. I am high-fiving myself for how resilient I am, and giving myself a great big hug for how hard it all feels sometimes while I'm transcending. 

I'm sending love and compassion to all the other Mama's on the frontlines with their Nose Frida's, little remedies, cough syrups and tinctures; trying to treat your combative yet helpless little sickie-bugs. 

I bow to your bravery Mama– through the eclipses of the sun, moon and your giant heart. I see you trying to keep your head above the water of your own sea of emotions whilst trying to throw everyone else a life raft. I revere you, the Mama

who is trying to make magic amidst all the meltdowns. 

I see you.

I hear you. 

I feel you. 

I love you. 

Mamaste Well, 

Rose 

Ps. Here is a song I have been rocking out to on my way through